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Movie Reviews food and bars and drinks oh my This is a page for activities and fun places to go and wonderfully beautiful things to do This is the legit random shit

 

 
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The Wind Through The Keyhole by Stephen King - A Dark Tower Novel - Completely Unweak

Legit Random/Books - 7.18.12

stephen King dark tower wind through the keyhole   book  reviews stop the weaknessBeing that I spent many drunken late nights knawing off any ear close enough to chew with praise for the Dark Tower, I will do my best here not to completely nerd out. I ended up really liking this book. Not going to rate it in the spectrum of DT books (though I will state that 4 is my favorite and that I didn't like 7 at first, but have come to accept and sort of like the ending after the 8 years since it's release).

Oh, and this will be a review for people who know King as I find it hard to believe many people will pick up this book without reading the Dark Tower. If you have no idea what the Dark Tower is, look it up, or get a bunch of booze and what have you, find a room to sit in for 72 hours straight, and I will give you the full run down on the Dark Tower and how awesome it is.

So what's up with it and why did it take me this long to read it? Most King fans will admit that intros and endings aren't always his strong suit, and this book has 3 of each (though the endings are good). It is 3 stories in one and, much like book 4, it is Roland telling his ka tet a story of his youth and then within that story Roland telling another story.

Sort of like IT, the stories run somewhat side by side - the first story starts and just as it gets good, the next story starts, and just as that one gets real good, the 3rd story starts...then they end in the opposite order. So there is a bunch of starting over right when things are getting good, which makes it hard to get into.

When you get into the second story, the book is on a roll, and while it was annoying to start over, the 3rd story picks up pretty quickly and it is pretty fucking awesome from there on out.

Here is another reason this thing was tough for me - and I am sure other Dark Tower readers can relate to this - I was fanboy excited for this book to come out, but realized as I opened to the first page that I hadn't read Dark Tower in many many years....since the last one came out in fact. So it was weird getting back into it. I went back and read some of the past books, tried to get back into the end of book 4, but was pretty lost. So I worried that I wasn't ready to get back into it all proper.

Stephen King books were some of the first books I picked up to read for fun, so his stuff goes back to when I was 11 or 12, but I didn't pick up the first Dark Tower book until the summer before the 7th and last book was released (2003). So I read all the books in a row without a break and the 7th book came out as I was finishing the 6th. If you have done that, or even if you've just read the books, you know how attached you get to the characters....so I was a little hesitant jumping back in. It was just weird, don't really know how to explain it, but I will let you know why it doesn't really matter.

Alright - these could be seen as a SPOILERS for people who want to know nothing about the book going in - but no major plot points will be given away, just the characters and broad plot points. So....first off it doesn't really matter because while this is a Dark Tower book, it is also not really and could stand on its own. Roland and his ka tet (Eddie, Susannah, Jake and Oy) are not really in the book. So if you don't have time to read all the other books again and start reading this and feel like a stranger to these characters....it doesn't really matter because they aren't really in it (though the nostalgia factor does come in big time). This book really does stand on its own and is 90% Roland telling stories from the Old World, which I love. You also get some Randall Flagg/Man in Black in here too which is nice. So the Dark Tower aspect is really, well it's what makes the story awesome because it takes place in that world, but it not about the main Dark Tower story and it doesn't (besides a few spoilers I won't tell) really progress or add much to the books.

How could have done that though? The story is written and done and in order to progress the plot etc....well it wouldn't have worked. All he could do was take you back give you the chance to read more about Roland's world. And there is a lot of classic Roland in here. Also, let me reiterate....though it starts off a little rough, when the 3 stories come together at the end it is really f-ing great. I hope I don't build up expectations too much (though I am sure they are already incredibly high) but, well, I loved the second half of this book a lot.

What I am extremely curious about is what people who have yet to read the Dark Tower will think about this? To read it in order between books 4 and 5. It is a lot like 4 in the flashback sense, and though that's my favorite, it's also the longest....so maybe this book could just be overkill and those people will hate it. Guessing most people who have read the other books will be pleased though and say....do I dare get this lame....thankee sai.

 

Prometheus - A Little Cheese, but Unweak

Movies - 6.12.12

prometheus movie review unweak stop the weakness Ridley Scott somehow claims this is not a prequel to Alien, but not really sure how he tries to get away with that. Especially when it has a scene showing the creation of the Alien we all know. If you are getting all spoiler hurt about finding that out, quit it, that doesn't say shit. The movie does involve different aliens and a different set up for the most part....and it's pretty good.

So what is bad about this and what is good? Well, it's good because it's not like Alien 8 and it really does have a different feel to it and is not all B movie seeming, trying to cash in on the name. It also isn't a remake trying to cash in on the name. If you removed one scene, it would stand on its own and be in line with Scott's claim that it is not a prequel.

So now for the bad - it is a little cheesey and not scary. Is it PG-13? I am guessing it is. It could have been a lot darker, but again it was cool how it had a different feel from the previous movies as the same setting/feel was getting a little old. Another kind of annoying thing....Michael Fassbender is awesome in the movie but he is a robot and they bring in the whole "make you question robots" idea here which.....well, if you've seen the other movies, it just seems forced and dumb and, well dumb. Not sure why it annoyed me, but it really did. Completely unnecessary.

Basically, it's a big budget Ridley Scott Alien prequel that isn't completely stupid and unnecessarily trying to cash in on a franchise and is decently good but won't knock your socks off. The End.

 

Reckless Road - Guns n' Roses by Marc Canter and Other GNR Books - As a Picture Book/Scrap Book: STOPS WEAKNESS, as a Normal Book - WEAK

Legit Random/Books/Unweak Music - 5.16.12

reckless road marc canter slash autobiography duff adler axl rose biography guns n roses  book  reviews stop the weaknessAlright, after reading THIS INTERVIEW with author Marc Canter I was more excited than anything for this book. This is the best interview ever for Guns n' Roses fans. He is a Canter of Canter's Deli, where GNR hung out all the time in their early years, and he took a lot of the famous early year photos....and documented their whole rise to fame starting before the beginning of GNR.

Canter is friends with both Axl and Slash (one of maybe one that falls in this group) and he gives the best insight into what happened behind the scenes with the band and any possibility of the band getting back together and what would need to go down for that to happen. This is legit the best GNR interview/book/piece of writing I've ever read.

So, yeah, as being a giant loser GNR fanboy I immediately went online and ordered this book, which was supposed to come out in the early '90s but didn't come out til 2007. After said interview it is a giant let down. Of the 350 pages, there are maybe 15 or actual writing. The rest is all pictures, set lists, and stage banter from pretty much every single show leading up to the release of Appetite. That is cool, don't get me wrong, but it's a picture book and I was expecting the most inside, unbiased account of Axl and Slash's feud and what went on behind the scenes. If you want that, just read the interview above.

SLASH AUTOBIO - this is the first GNR book I read and, while it is awesome (and I got to meet Slash and get a signed copy), it actually made me like Slash less. As Marc Canter points out, Slash plays the cool card a lot, and with Axl being crazy and vocal, it is easy for him to play it off as he is fault free in the whole demise of the band.....after reading this book you get the impression that this is not true. I still love Slash, but you really notice how he is trying to skew things in his favor in his retelling of the story. Great stories though and Slash is awesome. Read it.

WATCH YOU BLEED - THE SAGA OF GNR - this one.....well....I kind of forget it to tell the truth. If you like reading and don't mind reading many stories you've heard before in order to find out a few cool new ones - I would read this. This one is good because it's written by an unbiased, unrelated third party and tells the story of the whole band and not one member. I read the Slash book, this book and W.A.R. all in a couple month span back in 2007, and I was happy I did so....so yeah, though I don't remember loving it, I don't remember hating it, and definitely cruised through it and enjoyed it.

W.A.R. BY MICK WALL - W. Axl Rose (WAR, GET?!?!?!)....you may remember Mick Wall from his shout out in Get in the Ring, so Axl obviously hates him. This made me by this bio on Axl. Right off the bat I was surprised to find out that he used to be very close with the band and singer who wouldn't let anyone get close to them. He wrote something Axl didn't like for some reason, which he claims was truth and Axl lies (running theme with Axl/GNR), and Axl turned on him. I think it was something Axl wanted him to write (about Vince Neil maybe?) and when he didn't like the outcome, Mick Wall was the scapegoat....again, this is Wall's biased opinion but....biased opinions are awesome when you know they are biased. This book is pretty great.

DUFF and ADLER's AUTOBIOS - these have been reviewed in full on the site so I will just say, Duff's is maybe the best GNR book out there and made me like him a thousand times more and Adler's book was even more depressing than I even thought it could be.

The Tao of the Wu and The Wu Tang Manual by The RZA - Stops the Weakness and Pretty Unweak

Legit Random/Books/Unweak Music/WU TANG - 5.2.12

the tao of the wu and the wu tang manual by the rza book  reviews stop the weaknessThese books are fucking awesome. Well, The Wu Tang Manual is great, but The Tao of the Wu is what you wished The Wu Tang Manual was. The Manual is, well like an encyclopedia and the Tao of the Wu is more like The RZA's autobiography.

There has long been talk of this Wu Tang Manual but it finally came out in 2005. It is short blurbs about all things Wu, giving background on all aspects of Wu: short bios of the members, a Wu dictionary, background on films and how they work into the foundation of the group, religious beliefs, etc. While it is pretty cool, it is more something you just pick up and bounce around reading - you can read it straight through, but, well, it's like an encyclopedia and you don't need to. If you don't know much about Wu Tang, this is a great place to start, and if you do know, there is some new stuff here, or explanations of things you may not have known. It leaves something to be desired though.

That's where The Tao of the Wu comes in. This is more a straight autobiography, though not in straight chronological order, but more built around various principals of the RZA and the Wu and stories to support them. It is awesome. He tells great stories throughout his life and gets into the relationship of the group that, at least I thought, were previously unknown. From bouncing around during his childhood and growing up in the projects, to the 5 year dictatorship of bringing Wu Tang to the top, to the dark period/Bobby Digital phase that followed and finally back to his "enlightened" state.

The book is heavy on religion and could be seen as preachy which I thought would kind of sound ridiculous coming from the RZA. He is a musical genius, and I knew he was religious, but....I wasn't sure how it would sound coming from him - it doesn't sound preachy at all though and is very interesting. He knows his shit about, well, everything it seems. He references most all major religious books, seemingly with ease, and the stories he uses to reference his beliefs are very interesting. When he talks about ODB's death it is fucking sad. It is also pretty incredible how he built the group and his vision. Many familiar with the group know of the 5 year plan, but to hear him go through it in this book, how he had it all planned out and all the work he did to accomplish it....awesome.

Check this book out even if you don't like Wu Tang. There is something for everyone in here. Wu Tang is for the children.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins and The Hunger Games Movie - Books: Unweak, Movie: I Think Unweak

Legit Random - Books / Movies - 5.1.12

hunger games trilogy books and movie  unweak book review  stop the weaknessAlright, should have posted this a while back as the movie has been out for a while and many have already seen it and probably read all the books for that matter.....but, though late to game, this is one of the first huge blockbuster books or collection of books (e.g. Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter, Twilight) that I have read, so I am thinking there's a good chance a large amount of our reader base is the same way. Therefore I will throw my thoughts out there and recommend people read these books (and see the movie too); they are pretty f-ing unweak, good story telling and you can cruise right through them.

I will start off by going through my thoughts on movie, which are mainly based on reading the book(s) at the same time. The movie is probably pretty fantastic, but having finished the book only a few days before seeing the movie made the it difficult to watch. I know what you're thinking - duh, books are always better than the movies, but this is somewhat different as movies often fuck with the plot in order to fit it all into a 2 hour movie. This actually isn't the case here as the movie doesn't cut or change much of the plot, but what it does do is cut out all the conflicting emotions and back story being told through the narrator: Katniss, the girl who offers herself up to the Hunger Games in place of her sister. I don't know how the director/producer/whomever thought they could make this film without a narrator.

Watching this movie sans narrator had me constantly wondering if there was any way my fellow movie goers, the ones who had not read the book at least, were able to pick up on any of the underlying emotions and also think about all of the thoughts going on in Katniss' mind that were just completely left out of the film. It made it hard to focus on the movie as its own thing, to say the least.

When I read the book, though typically a slow reader I cruised through it and thought that was due to a) it being written for a young adult audience and b) it just being all action and no elaborate descriptions. Though point B is true, which makes the movie's interpretation of setting cool, there is more to it; it is all plot moving action and the underlying thoughts/emotions of Katniss. There is too much going on in Katniss' head for actors to be able to display it through their acting...and that's for good actors, which this movie has a few (the girl playing Katniss being one of them), but there are also a bunch of awful ones, like the actors playing the 2 guys that make up the Twilight esque love triangle (I also feel like this love triangle was included for the sole purpose of recreating the Twilight screaming teenybopper hype). There were plenty of scenes in the movie with no dialogue where narrating could have easily been added and it would have benefited greatly.

So yeah, I sat there throughout thinking about how much was left out in terms of the main characters thoughts and also wondering if it was possible that non-reader movie goers were able to pick up on the major emotions/themes they did try to portray...because I didn't think it would be possible. It seems like it didn't matter though and my biggest problem was reading the book and seeing the movie right after - I saw the movie with 3 people, one who'd never read any of the books and 2 others who read them a while back, and they all really like the movie.

So....what is great about these books and the movie - they are a little violence heavy for a typical children's book (could have made a sweet, dark R-rated non teenybopper movie) but at the same time it is written for kids so the themes/imagery are blatant and it's an easy read. That last part doesn't seem all that positive, but here are my thoughts - when was the last time you read a book well below your "reading level"? And I mean one that tries to get the reader thinking and not a fun bestseller read. Probably never, or very rarely, right? Think back to the books you read in middle school - for me this one is a lot like The Giver, if anyone remembers that book. I would actually like to go back and read that one now, but my point is....it was kind of enjoyable to have the thought provoking symbolism be so blatant. It kind of got you thinking about these themes that you have been over many times before, but almost through the eyes of the intended audience. They are so far from groundbreaking and original and so in your face, that you either a) are completely turned off by how stupid it is, or b) you treat them like they are groundbreaking. It depends on how you want to go about it, but knowing it's a book for kids made me treat it completely different. Not to mention you could read through these things in a couple hours.

Alright, this is way too long, so lets just move onto the trilogy as a whole. The first book is great. The second book starts off slow, but otherwise ends up being just as good as the first. And the last one is the weakest for sure, but finishes the story and is a decent read. Oh yeah, the thing that pissed me off the most is how they made Woody Harrelson's character, well, not a drunk. He is awesome in it, but in the book he is a fall down, fucked up drunk, and they just brighten him up and completely change him which hurts the story.

The Cabin in the Woods - SO UNWEAK I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW UNWEAK IT IS

Movies - 4.9.12

cabin in the woods movie review unweak stop the weakness I was lucky enough to attend an advanced screening of The Cabin in the Woods this week. I had read some vague reviews, all of which said it would be criminal to reveal any of the surprises this film has in store, so I very intentionally knew nothing about it going in. My excitement was high. I'm not a massive Joss Whedon fan but I'm not too cool to watch some fucking Buffy every once in awhile. I was a fan of Drew Goddard's Cloverfield and he wrote some pretty great episodes of Lost. I am a massive, gigantor horror nut, however, and word on the street was this was a big fucking deal for horror. Was it? I don't care. What i do care about is that I had a metric fuck ton of fun watching this. The goddamn TITLE SCREEN made people cheer.

I happen to be in full agreement with the aforementioned vague reviews in that I would feel like a piece of shit if I said a word about anything that happens in this film. Except there's a cabin people go to. And it's in the woods. Son of a motherfucker, I feel somewhat guilty mentioning the cheering for the TITLE SCREEN. Go see this fucking thing, please. If you care about horror and being able to see cool horror films in a real movie theater, support the good ones. If this ends up being a huge hit, maybe, just maaaayyyybbbbbeeee studios will fund some more original horror projects.

PS DON'T WATCH THE FUCKING TRAILER

 

 

The Grey - IF YOU CALL THESE WOLVES WEAK THEY'LL TEAR YOUR FUCKING HEART OUT UNWEAK UNWEAK UNWEAK

Movies - 4.3.12

the grey movie review unweak stop the weakness The Grey is a mega tense, terrifying motherfucker that pits Liam Neeson and a band of badasses against not only a monumental blizzard but the scariest wolves in the entire multiverse. Unexpectedly, The Grey starts off almost like a horror film with wolves stalking and attacking the holy living shit out of these people. The plot is pretty simple. Plane full of badass dudes goes down in some blizzardy, wolf covered terrain. Badasses try to stay alive. Wolves and weather (mostly wolves) take them down one by one. The wolves in this film are relentless. I mean it. They’re always present and the wolf attacks are fierce and often. When they aren’t attacking, they let their presence be known to these dudes with some ball-shriveling howls (the sound design for these scenes is excellent). There are plenty of moments in this film where it could have gone off the rails stupid but it avoids all the pitfalls that films like this usually fall into and continues to kick ass up until the final shot. Speaking of, this is another movie that knows exactly where it should end and listens to itself. As far as snowy wolf attack movies, this kicks the shit out of Frozen. The Grey is so far my very favorite film of 2012. It just so happens that it’s also the only film I’ve seen from 2012. - Show quoted text -

11/22/63 by Stephen King - Stops the Weakness

Legit Random / Books - 3.19.12

stephen king 11/22/63 unweak book review  stop the weaknessThis book is the perfect book for non-King fans. Or people who think they won't like King. And for King fans, well, it's just fucking sick. This is about a time traveler going back in time to save JFK. Check out the dust cover or whateverthefuckitscalled and you will get a good idea of what happens....but it doesn't matter.

This book, like Under the Dome (which is another completely unweak new King book), was originally planned years ago. 8 years after the Kennedy assasination in fact, but he shelved it as the research was more than he was willing to deal with. And this book is well researched. We all know the basics of what went down but I had never really researched what Lee Harvey Oswald was like, his family background, how he was a fucking pussy of a man who beat his wife and well, maybe some of those are poetic license, but not much of it.

Most non-horror fan King books - Shawshank, The Body (aka Stand by Me), and others that I maybe I could remember if I weren't so fucking hungover I thought my head was about to explode - are short stories, so not a whole lot to recommend there. Here is a full out King book for everyone. My friend's dad read it and he had never read King as he worried about the fantasy bullshit. I have been racking my brain trying to find a good recommendation and am really coming up short, because while there is some fantasy (it is about time travel afterall) and there is some standard King brutality, though not a ton, there is a lot of history here which separates this from other books. It is very difficult to explain.

But Dark Tower fans will be happy to see some continuity, and other King fans will be happy to see Derry, Maine circa 1958 play a role along with a nod to Bev and Richie playing by the waterpipes. This is nothing new as any Maine set story usually refers to the horrors that happened in Castle Rock but.....well, let me stop writing and go work on my suicide plan, or just go vomit, or.....as will really happen, just get showered and go to work and pray for the day to be done.

Oh, here's a treat - if you read the book and want to know King's original ending, you can read it HERE.

SPACE CASE!!! - Do You Know How Often People Get Hit by Subways?

Legit Random - 3.15.12

drunken rant from an airplane on reclining seats and a way to get free drinks stop the weaknessDo you know how often people get hit by subways in NY? Supposedly, and who knows how much statistical data this is based on, but.....I guess twice a week. This came to our attention when one of our friends left STW headquarters and made their way back to Manhattan and BAM, his train hit someone. Not just, oh train is delayed because of train traffic ahead, and he later finds out someone was hit. This was a person getting hit right at his car so he saw the dudes popped off head right out his window. He said it was horribly traumatic and took a couple days to shake as you may have guessed.

Supposedly 4 people were hit by trains that weekend, and we found this reddit article about it, which enlightened us about the deadly subways (or stupid people, mainly stupid people we are guessing) in NY. We learned a few new terms, Space Case and Screw Driver being the 2 main ones, and when I asked my friend if he knew what a Space Case was he replied that he didn't until the police came running up to his train yellling SPACE CASE, SPACE CASE....which prompted him to go home and google it.

So what is a Space Case you ask? Well, let me bring you to my next story from this past weekend.....We were out in Bushwick at the Morgan Ave stop and when we come back from eating there are 4 firetrucks and a bunch of police cars and they weren't letting us down there. Nosiree. There were some foreigners standing around and they were nice and chatty but, well, being drunk and an idiot, it just seemed too easy to fuck with them. "What's going on?", they ask. "Space case, totally a Space Case", I reply in a jovial mood voice. They both start laughing, "ha ha ha, space case, space case", until they wonder, wait, " what's a space case?" "Oh, that's when you get hit by a train and your head pops off", I reply in the most deadpan serious tone.

That is not exactly right, but it's pretty close. Let me give you the EMT's description from the Reddit link above:

EMT with the FDNY here. It happens all the time - especially in Manhattan. There's your classic hit and splatter, which sounds like what happened here. Then there's your "space case" which is where they get wedged in between the subway car and the platform. Usually it's because they dropped something on the tracks, jumped down, and didn't realize how high the platform actually is. So they try to get up on the platform, and they can't, and the train winds up coming and depending on how big the space is will either cut them in half or wedge them between the car and platform. Then, you have your "screw driver" which is the same as the space case, except the top half of the body stays in the same direction, and the waist/legs twist around and around as the subway car pulls the body down the side of the platform. This is actually a scenario that is practiced jointly between EMS and Fire at the academy - they have a fake subway track at the FDNY Academy on Randall's Island that they mimic this with.

So yeah....it turns out the subway was closed this past weekend due to someone getting hit by the train, which is depressing. Like most people, he jumped down, underestimated how tall the platforms actually are and couldn't get back up. Can you imagine dying because you were either a) too lazy to go back upstairs and over to the other side or b) didn't want to pay the $2 to go up and back down or c) were just too drunk that you thought it was a smart idea. Happens a lot. I guess back in the early 1900's people used to cross all the time as the trains were slower and people were used to dodging trolley cars....then so many people started getting hit that warnings had to be put up all over the place. Still 2 people a week? Never would have guessed that. Also heard that back in the day people used to get hit so much they used to just prop the bodies up in the space in between the tracks if someone got hit during rush hour, then remove the bodies after rush hour. People need to get to work, am I right? Does anyone know where the stereotype of NY people being in a rush came from?

Oh, and just so we can do a good deed and not just give you new terms like Space Case, Screw Driver and the classic hit and splatter to throw around....if you do find yourself down on the tracks and stuck, walk to the end of the platform, into the tunnel (you know, the spot where when the train stops it won't be on top of you space casing you) and wave your hands and the train operator will get someone to help you.

Oh and then there is weird shit like THIS DEAD BABY IN A STROLLER THING which turned out not to be true. It was just a doll. Oh that L train, what a wacky fucking place.

 

Better Than Something - Jay Reatard - Depressing but Unweak

Movies - 3.13.12

jay reatard better than something unweak stop the weakness I don't know much about Jay Reatard. Or didn't at least. Not going to sit here and lie and say I loved him and this movie was a wonderful tribute, blah blah blah. I remember when he died (sorry for the spoiler) and had checked out some of his music but.....you win some, you lose some. You can't check out everything that's out there and give it the attention it deserves.

I think that will all change now as his music is pretty fantastic. This movie was funny and depressing at the same time. He loved music, and just wanted to make sure he made as much as possible. Everything. Tons of different styles. Tons of fucking output. Some better than others but, well, I have always thought that making more music and coming up with some shitty songs and some awesome songs is better than laboring over shit to death, where the song may come out shitty anyway. Then you are left with 1 song which could be either shitty or brilliant instead of 10 songs where 1 or 2 could be brilliant, 5 could be good/mediocre, and the other 3 or 4 may not be great.

Who cares about my philosphies. Go check this movie out whether or not you know his music. He led an extrememly short and interesting life, was a bastard, and a funny motherfucker, and he died too young.

 

 

The Baby - UNWEAKER THAN AN ADULT BABY SUCKING ON A TITTY

Movies - 3.1.12

man on a wire documentary unweak stop the weakness I went into The Baby thinking it was going to be an overly campy 70's horror flick and came out of it stunned at how effectively creepy it is. It has some camp factor, to be sure, but the progression of the story and an ending that not only took my completely off guard but makes complete sense and re-contextualizes the entire film, makes this something special.

The Baby tells the story of a man who is still physically and mentally in the stages of being a baby. His mother is an overbearing freak of a woman and he has two bitchy sisters and they all form like Voltron to keep the baby man a baby, man. A social worker takes a special interest in the case and begins inserting herself into this family's life and ultimately, tries to take the baby away from his bizarre home life. The performances are solid across the board but Ruth Roman particularly stands out. She's fierce as the mother of the titular baby and owns every scene she's in.

The Baby manages dark humor and a dash of surprise horror (and some adult baby on adult babysitter titty sucking). It's in very small company in films that once they're over, the entire thing takes over a completely different meaning without being forced. The more I thought about it, the more a forehead slapping "OHHHHHHHH" washed over me.

The Bodyguard - It's Totally Weak, but Like So Weak It Wound Up Being Unweak

Movies - 2.28.12

the bodyguard movie review weak stop the weakness I don't know what crawled up my twat today but for some reason unkbeknownst to me, I was possessed by the desire to watch The Bodyguard for the first time. I was initially resistant but it eventually won me over with it's overwhelming loyalty to illogic. Whitney Houston does the unthinkable here. Her character is so blatantly assholish, she makes Kevin Fucking Costner almost likable in contrast. I hate that cunt (referring here to Costner) but this movie is so baffling in nearly every single scene that it wound up winning my vote for my favorite Kevin Costner movie by a wide margin. This isn't as sublimely stupid as Showgirls or The Room but it tries hard enough and makes so little sense that it appeals to the me that adores insane people gloriously failing. How either of these fuckers fall for each other is anyone's guess. They're both total assholes with no chemistry and nothing at all happens between them to ever start liking each other. It would've been better if everyone would have died, but whatever. Thank you for wearing me down with your retarded charm, you stupid sons of bitches.

Man On Wire - Very Unweak

Movies - 2.22.12

man on a wire documentary unweak stop the weakness Check out "man on wire" if you haven't yet. It's on Netflix. It's really good.

it won the academy award for best documentary last year or the year before I think

its the true story of this dude who tight rope walked across the twin towers back in the 70's.

its wild because they have all this footage from back then but it looks like it was shot today (unless the re-enactors just look insanely similar to young versions of the dudes in the movie)

very unweak for sure

The Bunny Game - Why-Is-Everyone-Claiming-This-is-the-Most-F-ed-Up-Movie? Weak

Movies - 2.15.12

the bunny game movie review weak stop the weakness A review I read prior to seeing The Bunny Game claimed: " The Bunny Game is so sickening, so disturbing and so unforgivingly raw that it ultimately leaves an unforgettable afterimage of ethereal beauty on your burned out eyeballs, once it’s done wringing your soul out like an old dishrag that is". I read a handful of other reviews that all claimed similar things about this film. Then it was banned in the UK and my attention was caught. A viewing of the trailer just ramped up my excitement and after a few weeks of searching, I found a copy. I was nervous, much like I was before viewing A Serbian Film or Human Centipede 2. As The Bunny Game progressed, my nervous energy, which I've quite grown to like in situations like this, grew and grew. I waited patiently through 15 minutes of hyper fast editing and death metal and repeating scenes of prostitute fucking tricks, sobbing in the shower, doing blow, being happy, running out of blow and fucking more tricks. The editing turned me off immediately but I figured as soon as she met her torturer, things would slow down in that regard. They don't. The entire film is edited like some retarded kid riddled with more ADD than all of the world combined decided to get a copy of Final Cut and go to town. I'm sure plenty of people appreciate this aesthetic. I really don't. It withdrew me from caring about what was going on and it separated me from the reality of what was going on. From the moment she meets her captor, he psychologically tortures her and does some minor physical torture to her, but this all plays out like some S&M training film and I'm absolutely bewildered as to why so many people found this disturbing. I searched high and low for something anywhere on the internet that shared my views to no avail. It appears that everyone that's written about this film was grossly disturbed by it. Maybe I'm way too desensitized at this point but I really don't understand this.

There are some positives to The Bunny Game, though. The black and white is pretty and there are some really stunning shots of a highway outside of Los Angeles. The main actor lady was pretty fantastic in her role and even went through all the physical stuff the villain puts her through. The villain is an effectively creepy dude but the majority of what he does involves screaming in her face over and over. I'm not too into spoilers, so I won't say anymore but if anyone sees this and would like to explain to me why it's freaking so many people out, I'd like to know.

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson - Stops the Weakness

Legit Random / Books - 2.13.12

steve jobs autobiography unweak book review  stop the weaknessThis shit leaked so early, and has been out for so long, I don't really know why I am reviewing it except for the fact that you guys love to read my drivel. Well I am sorry to disappoint - I can't write a review for this really because it will sound too lame. I really loved it.

Regardless of how I perceive(d) Steve Jobs, he is an extremely interesting subject. He is completely fucked up and weird and, well, I don't need to go into his accomplishments. Not since Doctor Dealer (see review at bottom of the page) have I read a bio where you are interested in each stage of the person's life...usually early and late life are pretty boring, while the middle years are where the story's at. Not the case here as I found it interesting from start to beginning. He arguably went out at the top of his career so, though he was almost 60 when he died, you still wonder what he could have created had he had more time. It focuses on his various businesses and technology, so if business and tech don't interest you, I guess you could find this boring, but....well, I don't know, I think it's pretty fantastic.

Invasion of the Bee Girls - Unweak

Movies - 2.8.12

invasion of the bee girls movie review unweak stop the weakness A group of the hottest women to have ever lived turn themselves into bee bitches and try to fuck a whole town to death, all set to a monster score by Charles Bernstein. If that doesn't sound appealing to you, I'm not sure we can ever watch movies together. Invasion of the Bee Girls hits all the right spots. It's 70's camp all the way but it's the very best kind of 70's camp. Girls in this film refer to sex as "getting balled". The police captain's name is Captain Peters. There are boobs flapping all over the place. There are POV shots from the bee girls in bee-vision. In one scene, the queen bee has on my favorite dress of all time. It even manages to edge in a decent amount of genuine creepiness. The bee eyeballs are totally unnerving and the girl to bee-girl transformation scene is all kinds of bizarro. Not a lot in this movie makes a whole lot of sense but it doesn't matter. Unless you're a total dick that hates gorgeous girl/bee hybrids fucking ugly dudes to death with their bee pussies, you'll thank me for this suggestion.

Shame - Unweak But Pretty F-ing Depressing

Movies - 2.3.12

shame movie review unweak stop the weakness Has anyone seen this movie? It is pretty fucking depressing. Sex addict, suicide, sex clubs, Standard window sex, hookers, wrist slitting - the usual uplifting shit. Though it was pretty damn good, we couldn't help but hope for the moment when Michael Fassbender turned into Magneto and destroyed the whole fucking thing.

Panic Button - Panic Room was among the unweakestest. This is not.

Movies - 1.25.12

panic button weaker than panic room stop the weakness A computer alligator tricks a handful of dumbfucks into thinking they won a free airplane ride to New York. They are fooled again by this 8-Bit Alligator into playing a trivia game based on their personal information he gathered from the internet. The questions get progressively more personal until the dumbfucks get pissy. The alligator responds by playing them videos of their dumbfuck friends and dumbfuck family being murdered. Shit gets serious. People get more pissy. The alligator pits all the dumbfucks against each other and dumbfuck chaos ensues.

I enjoyed Panic Button a good deal more than I thought I would. I attribute this mostly to the English accents of the cast. Had this been filled with your typical Adam Green douchebag American cast, I probably would have shut it off within twenty minutes. YOU’RE LUCKY I’M EASILY CHARMED, BRITS. OR MAYBE I’M LUCKY? WHY AM I YELLING? I LIKED THIS MOVIE. THIS CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING:

ALL CAPS NIGHT!

OVERALL, THE MOVIE MAINTAINS A FUN SENSE OF SUSPENSE AND BUILDS UPON IT UNTIL THE FINAL FEW MINUTES. THE ENDING IS A DOWNER, WHICH WAS A NICE SURPRISE (THE PIXELATED ALLIGATOR POURS OUT OF ALL OF THE COMPUTER SCREENS AND REASSEMBLES INTO A MEGA GATOR AND EATS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE DUMBFUCKS ON THE PLANE NO I'M KIDDING THAT WOULD'VE BEEN WAY MORE AWESOME).

End all caps night.

PARENTS - As Unweak As Eating People With Your Mother

Movies - 1.18.12

parents movie review unweak stop the weakness Fuck. FUCK. How have I never seen this? I recall in great detail the curiosity the cover of this movie inspired in me as a child. Re-watching it last weekend, I thought that maybe I had seen it and the memories of it had escaped me. And that maybe, just maybe, watching it would spark some long lost memory and a wave of nostalgia would fuck my face off. Not so. I had never seen Parents prior to last weekend and that instilled some weird sense of panic in me. How many amazing movies am I going to miss in my lifetime? It’s incalculable. Overwhelming that fear, however, is the total joy this motherfucker brought me.

Parents is both a vicious satire of 1950’s suburban life and a cold, subtle horror film. The story follows a suburban family that moves into a new town. They dress the part and act the part but there is clearly something fucked up with these goddamn people. They have a son (Brian Madorsky), who refuses to eat the meat his parents cook for him and clearly knows something is going on but doesn’t quite know what to make of it. But it’s very seriously fucking him up. Like most rational people, a good deal of child actors irritate me, but Madorsky hits the perfect tone for this film. Randy Quaid plays the father and my opinion of Randy Quaid has shifted from barely tolerable to HOLY FUCK I LOVE THIS GUY based on this performance alone. He plays his part with a disturbing patience, only occasionally letting his anger get the better of him. The more his son is repelled by him, the more he keeps his shit together and the more he succeeds, the creepier he becomes. The mom (Mary Beth Hurt) is much sunnier than her male counterpart but there’s something under her surface that’s creeeeeeeepy.

The set design is both gorgeous and strangely clinical. There are wide shots of this family’s living room that gave my eyes a boner so fierce, it could kill your whole family. The soundtrack, done in part by Angelo Badalamenti, is pure 50’s suburbia and a perfect juxtaposition to the unnerving subject matter.

Parents was as pleasant a movie surprise as I’ve had in recent memory. The comedy in the film is blacker than both of my dicks combined and it meshes two entirely different tones without breaking a sweat. Don’t be like me and live to your early 30’s without seeing Parents. You’ll feel like a total cunt (unless you’re already in your early 30’s. Or older. Then you’re already a cunt). Make this right. Watch Parents and free yourself from the cunt hiding inside you.

Airplanes, Reclining Seats and Free Drinks - Drunken Weak and Unweak Ranting

Legit Random - 1.17.12

drunken rant from an airplane on reclining seats and a way to get free drinks stop the weaknessUnless you are in first class, seats should not fucking recline. For Christ sake. You are crammed in like fucking sardines no matter what and it's only nice for you if the person in front of you doesn't put their seat back - and it completely sucks if the person in front of you reclines and you don't want to. So basically some jerkoff puts their seat back, and it's the fucking domino effect and everyone has to put their seat back and everyone is in the same shitty situation as they were when they first sat down.

I did come up with an awesome new trick though. I flew down to Florida (the worst state in the fucking union) first class and thoroughly enjoyed the pre take off drinks and constant refills....even when some Real Housewife of fucking New Jersey's 2 year old kicked over mommy's glass of red wine all over me. So waiting to take off on my return flight and sitting a few rows back from first class, I got jealous and a light bulb went off above my head. A dim one but a lightbulb none the less. When the stewardess came by I grabbed her (not literally) and said, "I get so nervous flying can you please get me a glass of read wine ASAP." She did. And didn't charge me. So take that first class motherfuckers. And....post take off when I asked for 2 full bottles of red wine I just looked like I was nervous and not that I wanted to drink myself to sleep so I could wake up at JFK. I did feel slightly bad when she tried to give me a glass and I said I would just drink them from the little bottles....she was sincerely concerned and said the glass may help relax me. I wanted to say well, if I actually had anything close to resembling a fear of flying, I am sure the xanax and multiple glasses of wine, would probably calm me down regardless of drinking it from glass. Maybe I will edit this thing before I post it but if you read this shit you should know that isn't our style.

Kill List - Weird but Unweak

Movies - 1.17.12

kill list horror movie review weird but  unweak stop the weakness Kill List is an interesting film. I’d noticed it on quite a few best of 2011 horror lists and I was getting a little tingly in anticipation. For most of the running time, I very much enjoyed what I was watching but didn’t quite understand how it fit into the horror genre. There are moments of extreme gore, for sure, but it seemed like a less comical and more violent “In Bruges” than anything in horror. And totally out of nowhere, it kicks your stupid face in and demands that you recognize its horrorority and you will because it’s right. It just takes a really long time to show you.

I’m still not quite sure what to make of this thing. A lot of seemingly important plot details remain unanswered at the end or maybe they were red herrings or maybe the were pixilated alligators. Whatever. It’s extremely well done and in the end I liked the whole thing enough that it didn’t matter to me either way. The super abrupt shift into horror territory is a completely unexpected but welcome surprise. The ending reminded me a lot of A Serbian Film (minus the buttfucked toddler). Not too sure if the ending of ASF was an influence on this one or not but my experience with A Serbian Film, unfortunately, lessened the blow of Kill List’s ending a teeny bit. It’s still a brutal ending and I guess that just goes to show how desensitized to this shit ASF made me. Thanks, Serbia.

I have some minor quibbles with this overall. I found the accents difficult to understand at times and there was a noticeable lack of coherency to the whole thing (the latter issue could probably be solved with multiple viewings). One last thing that kind of irks me is a recurring theme that seemsa vital part of the story but is dismissed by the end. Those are all minor issues, though, and this movie as a whole is totally worth your time.

The Skin I Live In - YOUR FACE IS WAY WEAKER THAN THIS COULD EVER BE

Movies - 1.10.12

the skin I live in way unweak stop the weakness There are some movies that are incalculably more effective if you know nothing going in. The Skin I Live In is one of them. It begins the story in the present and only at the most perfect moment in the story does it go back and unfold what’s actually going on. Had I read about it beforehand, the impact would have been lessened significantly and I’m thrilled I went into this blind and for that reason, this review will be relatively spoiler free.

Elena Anaya plays a fantastically beautiful woman being held prisoner by an insane plastic surgeon (a completely unhinged Antonio Banderas). He watches her, obsessed, through a one way mirror, as she scribbles rants on the walls of the room she’s kept in. The story unfolds beautifully as tiny hints are revealed through scenes of dialogue between Banderas and his mother (Marisa Paredes) and between his mother and the woman being held against her will. As the back story fills the viewer in on who this woman is and why she’s being held captive, the horror of the situation imprints itself onto you.

The visual aesthetic of this film is incredible. Every scene is full of eye candy and the cinematography is beautiful. The movie flies by quickly but takes its time revealing to us what happens. I refuse to say anything more about the plot other than it’s as creepy and horrifying as it gets without being exploitative.

The performances are excellent across the board. I haven’t seen Banderas this good in a film in ages. He’s clearly off the rails crazy but firmly believes what he’s doing is justified. The actions of the mother in this should be hard to believe but because of the writing and the performance of Paredes, everything she does makes total sense within the context of the story. Anaya is wonderful to watch and as you begin to understand what’s happened to her, her performance becomes even stronger in hindsight.

There are often moments toward the end of a movie where I think to myself: “This is exactly where this should end.” Very rarely, does that actually happen and I’m delighted to report that this movie is one of them. It ends on a note that’s difficult to describe in emotional terms but is the perfect note to go out on.

This is one of the very best films I saw this year. The more I think about it, the more I've grown to love it. I had never seen an Almodovar film prior to this. I feel like an asshole. But an asshole with an exciting filmography to discover.

The Woman - LITTERED BY WEAKNESS (EXCEPT FOR POLLYANNA MCINTOSH’S VAGINA, WHICH IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF UNWEAK)

Movies - 1.6.12

the woman weak fucked up stop the weakness May, Lucky Mckee’s previous film, was a wonderful surprise. I happened upon it while perusing Fearnet years back and fell in love with it. My affinity for May, coupled with the controversy that The Woman generated had my hopes mighty high for this film. There’s a very good chance you’ve either heard about or seen the video of the man who freaked the fuck out after it screened at Sundance. He screamed “misogyny” until he blue in the face and as a result, was removed from the theater to the applause of the rest of the attendees. If you haven’t seen the footage, it’s worth a watch if you’re into seeing an unhinged, self-righteous twat wail about a movie for ten minutes. And at the very least, it’s a lot more entertaining than The Woman.

Is The Woman an artless, misogynistic affront to all of humanity (as this man suggested)? No. Not in the slightest. The subject matter is on the disturbing side, to be sure, but there is a good deal of restraint in what is actually depicted onscreen. The final twenty minutes are certainly gory but nothing that I would consider all that appalling. The most offensive things about The Woman are the soundtrack, the editing and the acting. Sometimes.

The Woman seems to be made by two vastly different filmmakers. More often than not, it feels like a cheap, poorly put together student film. The soundtrack is filled with terrible power pop that flies in the face of the mood this thing should have. There is no real score to speak of, just shit song after shit song, which destroys every moment that should be filled with tension and dread. Having no music at all would have been a hell of a lot more effective. Worse, not only are the music choices themselves befuddling, the placement of them in each scene screams amateur filmmaking. Bad pop music plays loudly under serious (but poorly acted) scenes of dialogue, it fades in and out at bizarre moments, everything about the music in this film is a massive mistake.

The editing is just as shitty. There are horrible fadeouts are all over this bitch and, again, it makes it feel like a barely passable student film. On top of those two huge problems, the acting is all across the board. Some of the performances are excellent. Some are okay. One in particular is at the same level as the editing and the music. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen May but I don’t recall any noticeable lack of technical ability in that film, which makes this all the more puzzling.

The Woman is the story of a feral woman caught by a suburban family man. While out hunting, he finds her bathing and decides to capture her in an attempt to civilize her. He tells his family of his plan in a matter of fact manner and they hesitantly agree to help him. The wife and daughter are clearly terrified of this man and upset by what is going on and the son is very clearly not. Everything, of course, gets out of hand and builds to a bloody climax (period sex joke is so tempting).

Each member of the family is well acted. The wife (Angela Bettis of May fame) is horrified and heartbroken by her husband. The daughter (Lauren Ashley Carter) is wrecked by depression and they both play their parts with a quiet, nervous horror. The son (Zach Rand) is effectively creepy and obviously a product of his lunatic father. Sean Bridgers does what he is supposed to do but I found his presence to be repelling. If I ever saw that dude in an alley, I’d scream “RAPE” and with every fiber of my being,run in the opposite direction. His change from wholly unlikable suburban dickhead to rape happy, torturing murderer is gradual and believable. On the other hand, the daughter’s teacher (Lauren Petre) is so poorly acted, it’s like she’s in a different fucking movie. Her acting fits most of the technical aesthetic of this movie. She ruins every scene she’s in and forcibly removes the viewer from the atmosphere of this poopfest.

On the other side of the acting spectrum is Pollyanna McIntosh, whose performance as the titular woman is superb. She’s simultaneously hideous and beautiful and an absolute force of nature. She speaks mostly in grunts and inhuman screams but does a bang up job conveying her fury. She also seems like she’s in a different movie than everyone else. In that movie, the music is creepy and the editing is flawless. In that movie, tension is sustained and built upon. That movie would have been in my top ten of the year.

That’s the most frustrating thing about all of this. It could have been great. It comes pretty close and that makes its shortcomings all the more impossible to forgive. I suppose I should have lessened my expectations a bit (or a lot) when dipshit horror site Bloody-Disgusting picked it up, but my faith in Mckee helped keep them afloat. No more. I will give him another chance but will approach his future projects with a good deal of hesitation.

I would suggest watching this on the strength of Pollyanna McIntosh alone. Actually, I wouldn’t. Just google pictures of her all day. She’s gorgeous. And her pictures are more fun to look at than this half-assed failure.

If the man who was kicked out of Sundance had screamed about the technical ineptitude of this film instead of his extremely misguided claims of misogyny, I would be behind him 100%. Sadly, he’s just as mistaken about his outrage as Lucky Mckee was in most of his decisions when making his movie. Thank you for introducing me to Pollyanna McIntosh, though.

Friends With Benefits - Weak, Very Weak, Scarier Than Human Centipede 2

Movies - 1.5.12

friends with benefits so weak fucked up stop the weaknessHoly fucking shit this movie is bad. It's the shittiest piece of fucking shit ever. I don't believe it. Well, I do believe it, I guess what I shouldn't believe is how I thought this could actually be funny. I think Justin Timberlake is great sometimes and I do like Mila Kunis, but even though I should have known this would be bad, no one could guess how bad. Oh I know, this from the person who likes all movies...but one thing I always say is that a) comedies have the biggest propensity to suck and b) watching movies at home is a completely different experience for me. I've got to say though I did enjoy watching this to a certain extent. It was like a horror movie, you were filled with tension and disbelief....wait it was worse than a horror movie, you were not in awe of the fucked up imagination in a good way, you were frightened that someone could have thought this movie up, then watched it and thought it acceptable to release.

Let me break down how fucked up this movie was:

Just like a good horror movie they start out with, not a funny scene per se, but one that piqued your interest and thought everything would be alright for a little while - then like the best of blood bath horror movies it jumps right into the most horrid shit and it doesn't stop for an hour. Every single line for the next hour is a huge failed attempt at comedy. Painful. Downright have to avert your eyes and close your ears painful like an 8 year old watching Hostel. The only positive thing is that it supplies many laughs if you are watching it with someone, but just like an 8 year old with Hostel - don't watch it alone. You need someone there for support. Well the other good thing and this is related, it makes the bad jokes in last 30 mins hilarious. You laugh out loud at the stupidest of things on and off the screen. Shit I was brought to tears laughing when my girlfriend made fun of the amount of Swedish Fish I had in my hand. Straight up fucking crying to the point where I was scared for my life that I would choke on those fishies in my mouth.

What else. Oh yeah after the horrendous first hour Justin Timberlake remarks, let's just end this (talking about his relationship with Kunis), and we were so happy thinking that he meant the movie itself. That the directors filmed it in sequence, realized how awful it was, and they just pulled the plug mid scene. If that happened it maybe would be the best movie ever. It didn't happen.

There is also a film within this film that has Jason Segal in it and it is an intentionally awful romcom, and it is awesome. They watch it a couple times throughout the movie and each time you wish you were watching that movie instead. That one was trying to be bad and was succeeding awesomely unlike the shitty ass movie we were watching. The irony is not lost on me that the directors succeeded at making a funny fake romcom within their actual romcom which is a complete and utter failure.

Alright I could on and on about this, and there were more horrifying things to poke fun at but for some reason I have lost will to go on about this film. Oh god, one last thing....and maybe this is the "asshole New Yorker" thing in me that this movie loves to harp on - but there is this big cultural clash thing about New York and LA and honestly, who the fuck actually thinks about this stuff? Or thinks it is that funny. Especially in this day and age with the transfer of information etc. Turn on the tv and watch shitty reality TV shows that take place in various cities and you realize pretty quickly that everyone is equally stupid and fucked up regardless of their surroundings. Cracking jokes about how Justin Timberlake waits for the walk sign before crossing the street in NY is not funny. And most importantly, Mila Kunis' painful attempt at being the biggest New Yorker stereotype ever is, well, painful. Fuck this movie.

Oh, one more. There are a lot of sex scenes in this movie, and Mila Kunis is hot and they are somewhat graphic or at least dirty, but this is a comedy so they try to use that to be funny. What results is the most uncomfortably awkward shit ever. Like watching a porno with your mom while at the same time your most unfunny relative, whose favorite thing in life is trying to make people laugh, is doing a comedy routine next to it. The most horrific combo of uncomfortable awkwardness. Did I say fuck this movie yet?

Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) - Unweaker Than Masturbating With Sandpaper

Movies - 1.4.12

human centipede 2 fucked up  unweak stop the weaknessWe got one of our better movie writers back in the mix and he is coming out of the gates with some good flicks. Finally a Human Centipede review I trust fully. There are some spoilers here, but if you are even thinking of seeing this movie, I am guessing you already know this stuff. Good way to kick off the new year. Enjoy:

I’m not sure how shit eating ended up on the radar of pop culture. When 2 Girls 1 Cup became a phenomenon, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that suburban moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas were shown this film by their friends and children. I understand the appeal of seeking out videos to gross out your friends, but there’s been poop porn for ages and why this particular video struck a chord always dumbfounded me. Then, before it was even released, the mere premise of The Human Centipede permeated our culture. Once again, feces eating was huge. As a total horror dork, there was no way I was going to not see this thing. When I finally watched it, I understood that the premise was more interesting than the movie could ever be. Dieter Laser’s delightful performance as a super fucked up surgeon aside, I thought The Human Centipede was boring. The female victim characters irritated me so much, that by the time anything horrible happened to them, I didn’t give a shit (pun intended!) what happened to them. It didn’t really inspire anything in me other than a few laughs, but there was no sense of dread, no suspense, it wasn’t all that disturbing. I appreciated the restraint in it but I didn’t care about it at all.

Being a fan of extreme cinema, my ears perked up when I read The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence had been banned in Britain. The list of scenes they specified gave me an A Serbian Film style boner and once again, I was excited to see a movie about people being sewn ass to mouth. Then the reviews poured in. This movie really pissed people off and my hesitant excitement was growing less hesitant with every review I read. Even reviews by self-professed fans of extreme cinema hated this thing. Most of them came up with a litany of reasons why, ranging from assumptions about director Tom Six’s intentions (HE THINKS HIS FANS ARE ALL MENTALLY RETARDED) to complete disgust at what occurs in the film, to seeing this film as obscenity for the sake of being obscene. When I finally got my hands on an unedited copy, I was nervous and excited in a way that very few films make me feel. And I loved every second of it.

Nearly every aspect of this sequel is a sharp contrast to every aspect of the first film. And no, I don’t like this movie just because of the gore. In the sequel, The Human Centipede is just a movie and a wonderfully bizarre looking man named Martin is obsessed with it. Martin works as a security guard at a parking garage. His home life is horrible. His mother hates Martin because his father wound up in jail for raping him.

The humor in The Human Centipede 2 is as black as black gets, but it is funny. Martin is a polar opposite to Dieter Laser’s Dr. Heiter in the first film in every way. Where Heiter is tall, thin, clinical and emotionally reserved, Martin is a short, obese, bug eyed, mentally retarded, man-child, who can’t control his emotions. Martin’s life is so horrible that he inspired a modicum of pity from me. Considering what he does, that’s a fucking miracle.

Martin rents a filthy warehouse and begins his not so well thought out plan to build a real life human centipede. He attacks random people at the parking garage where he works and amasses a collection of twelve people that he holds prisoner in his newly acquired warehouse. The victims have no story. Tom Six doesn’t delve into their backgrounds at all. You don’t know anything about these people and that’s another difference between these two films. Not that you get a huge backstory of the victims in the first movie, but you get to know the girls for a little while before everything ramps up. The second Human Centipede is all Martin’s story. The stories of the victims don’t matter because they are simply a result of the incredible emotional stunting of Martin.

When shit goes down, it really goes down. Yes, this film absolutely earns its reputation. The extreme violence on display here is way over the top and shown in graphic detail. He smashes teeth out with a hammer, he staples lips to asses and injects large doses of laxative into every single person in his twelve person chain. Martin is no doctor and his lack of a clinical approach is another wonderful departure from the original movie. He tries, but quickly because impatient and frustrated and does everything he can to rush the process, which ultimately results in his failure to successfully pull off his procedure.

Laurence R. Harvey does a magnificent job as Martin. He is hugely creepy, pathetic, disgusting, fascinating, unintentionally comical and kind of sympathetic. Kind of. He doesn’t speak a single word in the film, but does make some noises that will haunt you long after the movie is over. As much as I loved Dieter Laser's performance, Martin had a much bigger impact on me, with no dialogue. I consider him one of the greatest villains in recent memory.

Just like the first film, this is really well shot. Tom Six opted to film this in black and white, which adds a good deal of grit to every scene. Obviously, this isn’t a film for everyone, but if you enjoy extreme horror films and you aren’t a presumptuous, hyper defensive dickhead, I would highly suggest it.

Morrison Hotel Gallery - Sex Pistols Photo/Unweak Xmas Gift Idea for Last Minute - Unweakis

Places/Random/Unweak Music - 12.22.11

sex pistols johnny rotten sid vicious airplane shot morrison hotel gallery stops the weaknessHaven't been to the Morrison Hotel Gallery in quite some time, but we did a little early Xmas celebration tonight and I was given this fucking awesome picture of the Sex Pistols. I saw this picture a couple years ago, and while most all the photos at the Morrison Hotel Gallery are incredible, this is the one that always stood out in my mind. It is sweet. The girl in the picture cracks me up.

 

Anyway, as I said, they have incredible stuff at the Morrison Hotel Gallery and since you won't want to copy me you should go down there and find your own photo. These pictures are the perfect Xmas gift because they are something you (if you are a music fan/not a loser).

So yeah, if you are too lazy to go down to the shop in person, or just to browse beforehand so you know I am not full of shit, here is the WEBSITE. Check it out, get into it and all that jazz and thank me later.

Everybody Loves Our Town (An Oral History of Grunge) by Mark Yarm - Stops the Weakness

Legit Random/Books - 12.19.11

everybody loves our town oral history of grunge by mark yarm stop the weakness review It took me so long to review this book because it is that incredible. I know I have been saying that a lot, but this book is probably better than Duff's book and I have equal love for Guns and Seattle music. In fact, one of the most interesting things here is how this book, which I bought at the same time as the Duff and Adler books, is connected to Guns n' Roses. Duff was heavily involved and is featured in the beginning of this book a lot. Really cool.

And that brings me to what makes this book the best - I have read countless books/articles/interviews on Guns N' Roses, Nirvana and other Seattle bands and I did not expect this book to tell me anything new on those subjects.....but it did. I learned so much new stuff, and since it is an oral history book, you hear it straight from the mouths of people who were there. And you get to hear multiple sides of stories and get to decide for yourself who you believe.

Being obsessive with Nirvana, and also a huge Alice in Chains fan, it was very depressing and interesting to read about the final days/years of Kurt and Layne's lives and their respective bands.

If you don't trust me, Time magazine put this book on their top 10 list, which shocked me. I didn't think this book would get mainstream attention - only love from big fans. This book is truly the companion to Please Kill Me - if you love that book, you will love this one, even if you don't know shit about the scene going in. I wasn't big into punk when I read Please Kill Me back in 1999/2000, but it converted me. I think this book will do the same for people who don't know shit about the Seattle scene. Having the Seattle scene explode during my formative music years, I can now see how awesome Please Kill Me must have been for people who were very into/attached to that scene. This tells everything and is really incredible.

I won't go no anymore because you will read this or not....but, like most music books, this made me break out related albums I haven't listened to in forever. So here it goes, some awesome music from Seattle:

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's So Easy and Other Lies by Duff the King of Beers Rose Mckagan

Legit Random/Books - 12.7.11

autobiography duff mckagan reviews stop the weaknessDuff's book is my favorite of all the GNR books and I have read 5 in the past few years including, Slash, Steven and Duff's autobiographies. Slash's book is great, but it actually made me like him a little less as he seemed to have something to prove when telling his story, just like Steven did (see below for a review of Adler's book). Duff, who I always thought was the dumbest one in the band, comes across as extremely intelligent. His writing is fantastic - engaging and extremely funny - and you don't read this just for the stories/facts about GNR. Duff is a real person more than a rockstar.

Maybe it all goes back to his Seattle roots, his punk rock roots, his big family who were all close and brought up with lesson of the Great Depression in mind....but he truly seems to have always wanted the a normal life with a white picket fence etc. How fucking boring you may be thinking, but throw in playing in punk bands since age 11, moving to LA with no money, realizing that with the help of cocaine and valium he could drink for days on end until finally his pancreas exploded and....well yeah, it is not boring at all. Duff never realized why his body was falling apart and found out it was due to dehydration...and his response was something along the lines of, I never drank water, that just filled up precious space in my stomach that would be better served by vodka.

Duff has kids now and a real family, he went to school for finance/accounting post GNR, and recently started up a hedge fund for musicians/celebrities that don't know the first thing about managing their money. When he first got interested in figuring out his finances in the early/mid 90s he decided to invest a small $100k in various Seattle companies - Starbucks, Microsoft etc. I wish I had put a "small" $100k in those companies in the mid '90s.

The best thing about this book was how Duff truly was punk rock. I knew he was from Seattle but didn't know he was really part of that scene. Slash and Adler talk about meeting Duff for the first time and thinking he was odd, but I never knew Duff thought those guys were lame and into cheesey music that he wanted nothing to do with. He grew up with the founders of Sub Pop and was embarrassed when his friends from Seattle came through LA and he had to tell him he was in a band called Guns N Roses. People always try to nail down Guns and who really made their sound, but honestly it was every single one of them and couldn't have been done without each of them. Izzy said that when Steven was kicked out of the band, GNR went from being a hard rock band to a metal band as Steven provided the necessary swing. Duff provide legitmacy and raw punk rock. Izzy brought the laid back coolness and Slash the hard riffs and ridiculous soloing. And Axl....the manicness. The love and the rage.

Check this book out as you will get a completely different side than all the other 4 GNR books I have read. This is an awesome GNR story, and though Duff was drinking bottles of vodka a day for a long time, it seems like the clearest most level headed account of what went on in the band....then again, with this band you really need to read everyone's side to get the full story.

My Appetite for Destruction by Steven Adler - Unweak in Conjunction with Other GNR Books

Legit Random/Books - 12.7.11

steven adler autobiography reviews stop the weaknessThis book is fucked up and depressing. If you want to read it for the sideshow ridiculous rockstar factor, you will get that, but not in the way most rockstar books basically glorify their wild drug induced days - you mainly get the sad, depressing part. On the other hand, if you want to read this for info on Gun n' Roses, well it is best to look elsewhere first as well, because you leave this book feeling badly how distorted Adler's version of the truth is even though he wants you to believe he fully realizes his role in what transpired with GNR. Reading this book in conjunction with Duff's autobiography, Slash's autobiography and other GNR books, such as Mick Wall's Axl Rose bio, makes this a very interesting read.

Duff McKagan wrote in his autobiography, "Steven once said to me, 'you know, all I want in life is to make enough money one day so I can have a bag of good weed and a big ball of crack around - all the time.'...'We'll never make that kind of money,' I said. And besides, I thought to myself, if we ever do, you'll look back at that dream as nothing more than a teenage joke." (pg 85) Later goes on to say, "And it turned out Steven hadn't been joking about wanting nothing more in life than a bag of good weed and a big ball of crack - except now, with more than enough money to realize his dream, he added heroin to the mix." (pg 148) This sums up Steven and his book. He never grew up. Duff said that Steven seemed to always be trying to block out his horribly difficult childhood, and that seems to be the truth. He was kicked out of his house by age 11 and reveals for the first time that he was molested by various people around that age that he hung out with to smoke weed. These event seemingly left him stuck as a child forever.

Steven was overly trusting and naive, and truly never lost his childhood dream of sex, drugs and rock n roll. He uses this book to tell the world how he is rehabilitating himself and to show how he is taking responsibility for his actions, but it doesn't seem real. I fully think he was taken advantage of, regardless of peoples' intentions, but at the same time he goes on for page after page talking about how every day he was completely fucked up on drugs....only to then say he was dead sober during all the major events that led to his downfall with GNR. His falling on his face during Farm Aid while getting to his drum riser and his inability to play Civil War in the studio for example. He believes that Duff and Slash turned their back on him selfishly, not because of his drug use....but then spends the other surrounding pages talking about how drugs came before everything and everyone in his life.

The middle of the book, when Guns are at their high point, is the best. You feel his excitement and believe his side of the story, but post Guns it is completely depressing. Smoking crack in bed for days on end, in a dark room in Las Vegas, where you could barely see the glow of the TV through the cloud of smoke. His watches only cartoons all his life it seems. He would get as giddy as tween before running out onstage. He really seems to be stuck in the mind of an 11 year old, wanting nothing more than sex, drugs and rock and roll, and it is depressing as fuck to read about an 11 year old with millions of dollars for drugs trying to deal with all the drama involved with GNR.

5Pointz and 360 iPhone App - Unweak

Places/Random - 12.6.11

5 pointz long island city stop the weaknessAlright, so 5pointz has been around forever and I am sure many people will be too cool for school, but we just made it out to 5Pointz for the first time this past weekend. And it was sweet. For those of you that don't know, 5Pointz is one of the largest outdoor graffiti parks, the "Graffiti Mecca" if you will, as their website (http://5ptz.com/graff/) puts it. It's located in Long Island City, Queens, and you can see it from the BQE and the 7 train.

The place is forever changing, and inside studios are rented out to various artists. It is really amazing all the work here, but also odd how frequently things are painted over etc. If you go to the PHOTOS PAGE you can see many more photos, but if you go to the website you can arrange tours of the place and I think we may have to set one of those up. A few things to point out - first off you better go quick if you haven't yet as there are plans to turn the building into condos, and also, the famous fire escape, which was right where the 5POINTZ is written in the above picture, collapsed a couple years back. I have seen pictures of 5Pointz before but had never been, so I was looking all over for this fire escape only to leave thinking we missed a big part.

5pointz panorama from the rear of the building stop the weakness

Lastly, the panoramics in this post were taken with a cool iPhone App called 360 Panorama. It is sweet. I am not big into iPhone Apps, so for it to be included here means it is either a) very sweet, or b) equivalent of my dad telling me how wild technology is these days and asking if I know how to "do the texting". Here is THE LINK for that app. enjoy.

panorama manhattan from queens

 

 
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